I was out with some of my work colleagues the other day, having a drink, as you do, when the conversation suddenly turned to talk of superheros. Wild questions, such as ‘is Batman really a superhero if he doesn’t have any powers?’ were being flung carelessly about the room, with no regard to the mayhem they would create.
But, naturally, after we were done with our terribly philosophical thoughts on this subject, the talk went on to question ‘what superpower would you want?’ (the ability to transport to anywhere you like in an instant came up trumps) but this isn’t the ‘important question’ to which I refer in my title. Oh no. The important question I want to ask is ‘what is the lamest superpower you could be saddled with?’
The first thought that came to my head was something Syren-esk, the ability to scream really loudly would not exactly be top of my list. But, I feel like I have to go further, there must be even worse superpowers out there. So, having now researched the entire topic (and by that, I mean I googled it), here is a list of the lamest superpowers imaginable.
1. Number one on the list has to be the ability to turn yourself into a ball. That’s right – and the superhero who wields this incredible power? Bouncing Boy. Try as I might, I just can’t imagine a kid looking at that and saying to themselves: ‘Yep. I wish I could turn into a ball.’
2. Can anything top number 1? I’m not sure, but Matter Eater Lad comes pretty close. Apart from having the worst superhero name in history, Matter Eater Lad eats, well, matter. That’s it. How could you defeat an evil supervillain with that?
3. Is the ability to summon – wait for it – squirrels. Oh yes, ’cause out of all the animals in all the world, the most useful to have on your side in a fight would be squirrels. Nuff said.
4. The ability to stop clocks – not time – clocks. Only useful if you want to break out the excuse that you’re late for work because your clock stopped. And there’s only so many times you can use that one, congrats Mr Midnight, you made no. 4.
5. Stone boy. Who can turn into a stone, but not actually move once he’s in that state, conducive to capture by the enemy much? Lame.
And finally, I think this one’s worth a special mention, it’s not exactly a superpower, but my god is this guy ridiculous:
The Red Bee – who has a trained Bumblebee sidekick called Michael, his only power was to release this bee from a compartment on his belt during a fight. A regular, plain-ol’ bee, which would then sting the opponent. Never mind the fact that a bee would then instantly die after the first sting. Or the fact that male bees don’t even have a sting. Clearly not of a particularly practical mind then.
What do you think is the worst superpower? Are there any more truly awful ones that I’ve missed? Let us know!